Do No Harm, But Take No Shit.

"Whom exactly does the culture of niceness serve? I suppose it serves the people for whom life is going well. The people in power, but where does this leave less empowered individuals and populations with legitimate complaints? Speaking truth to power too often results in feelings of judgement and anger at the complainer...It's hard work to engage in conflict, and even harder to have to change your mind. People in power have the privilege of avoiding both. The culture of niceness provides a tidy cover creating a social norm that says conflict is bad, discomfort should be avoided, and those who create them mark themselves as people who lack the kind of emotional restraint necessary to hold positions of power...Ignoring feelings and trying to smooth them over with pleasant chit chat only promises to hold people back from allowing their hearts to join their minds and recognizing injustice when it's right in front of them, or even inside them. Despite its potential to create healthier individuals, households, organizations, and communities; embracing the discomfort of conflict in the name of resolution eludes most people raised in the culture of niceness. As long as feedback from unhappy people puts the blame on the complainer, the status quo will be maintained. Change requires tolerating the kind of emotions that arise when the constraints of nice conversation are lifted." (1)

     How do we stay "nice" in an ever-increasing mean world, and do we really want to?  There is a lot of talk these days about political correctness and as Trump puts it "telling it like it is." If a blowhard who shoots his mouth off and claims to be "keeping it real",  a guy who out of 300 fact-checks had a rate of being 70% mostly false, false, or telling outright lies (2) can appeal to so many people, enough to get elected, we need to re-examine ourselves.  Like the quote above says, what is all of this niceness getting us?
     I  liken the idea of niceness to be akin to political correctness. So, first let's look at what it means to be politically correct. The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: "Disapproving,avoiding language or behavior that any particular group of people might feel is unkind or offensive." (3) Please understand, I do not support any sort of hurtful, racist, sexist, gender-offensive name calling or slurs of any kind, but it seems like we use our language as a shield to hide behind. It has become a way not only to remain nice, but a way to disengage from conversations that need to be happening. 
        Here's an example of where  niceness comes in to play. In this scenario, I am at a family holiday dinner. My in-laws and I are not on the same page regarding much in the socio-political realm. In casual  conversation my sister-in-law says, "yay Trump!" regarding his take on healthcare. In order to not lose my temper right then and there, and to keep things "nice," and to "keep the peace,"  I kindly say, "I'm going to pretend like you didn't say that," and I change the subject. 
     Does she have a right to her opinion? Of course she does? Do I have to like it? No, I do not. Can I take this opportunity to hear her out and then give my valid, logical, and reasonable rebuttal?Yes, and I should! We should have a conversation in a civilized and logical manner because my devaluing her opinion by assuming she's just a stupid Trump voter and vowing to  never talk to her again is divisive and doesn't get anything done. I do not have to agree with her. I don't even have to value her opinion, but I do have to allow her to have it. It is a good learning point, if for nothing else than to learn what I do not believe and how to better defend my position. 

If you disagree with somebody, bring them in and ask them tough questions. Hold their feet to the fire; make them defend their positions. If somebody's got a bad or offensive idea, prove it wrong. Engage it, debate it, stand up for what you believe in. Don't be scared to take somebody on. Don't feel like you've tog to shut your ears because you're too fragile and somebody might offend your sensibilities. Go after them if they're not making any sense. use your logic and reason and words, and by doing so you'll strengthen your own position. And you'll hone your arguments and maybe you'll learn something and realize maybe you don't know everything. You may have a new understanding, not only of what your opponents believe but what you believe. Either way, you win. --President Obama (4)

     The truth of the matter is, we are in a world with other people. It seems obvious, but what isn't so obvious to people is that we are going to have differing opinions and we're allowed to have them. Yes, there are people who have terrible, hateful hearts whose minds we will never change. But standing up for that which you believe isn't always an easy task. Sometimes words get ugly and uncomfortable, but if we see things through and don't just brush it under the rug because it might offend ours or someone else's sensibilities we might get somewhere.      Keeping things nice equates that talking about these things that truly matter--equality and fairness--aren't worthwhile and they are. They really really are. Hiding behind political correctness with things like "safe spaces" avoids the conversations that need to happen. Sometimes our feelings are--gasp!--going to be icky, but how can we come to terms with them if we pretend they don't exist? As much as it seems it would be easier to cut the people with whom we don't agree out of our lives, that only perpetuates the growing problem of division among people. We are already  separated by our fear of each other. Fear drives hate. Understanding perpetuates harmony and it cannot happen without dialogue.  
      Again, there is never an acceptable time to personally attack someone, call them names, or use slurs against a person for their perceived differences. But there is a time to stop being nice, and to get our feelings out on the table and hack through them. The time has got to be now, before we are even more isolated from one another. 

"And now let us welcome a new year--full of things that have never been."--Rainer Maria Rilke

1. Irving, Debby. Waking up White. N.p.: Elephant Room Press, 2014. Audible. 
2. Drobnic Holan, Angie, and Aaron Sharockman. "Fact-checking President-Elect Donald Trump." Politifact. N.p., 9 Nov. 2016. Web. 30 Dec. 2016.
3. Cambridge Dictionary. http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/politically-correct.
4. Shapiro, Eric. "Democrats Need to Start Re-Thinking Political Correctness, Which Does Them No Favors." Paste. N.p., 27 Dec. 2016. Web. 28 Dec. 2016. Quotation from President Obama

You Can Understand Why I've Been So Down About It.

     After a lovely Christmas holiday it is tough to gear up and come back to work. I miss my family (the four-legged ones included) and I miss having the free time to do as I please. I loathe the idea of sitting in my office all day and answering emails and such, but I  know it is inevitable and I can manage it (especially knowing it's a short week this week!)
     My slight case of the post-holiday blues makes me think of those who  really cannot manage at this time of year. I'm a super-optimist and I always picture people spending their holidays like I do--with loved ones and friends. But I know this isn't always the case and I know that the holidays can bring stress, loneliness, and hurt to a lot of people out there.
   

     I know that these rants are full of Pollyanna sentiments, but I think in a world full of fear and distrust the only way to get through is kindness and compassion. One kind word or action can make someone's day just a little brighter and be the fuel they  need to stoke the fire. Take an extra minute to reach out to those in need. Take an extra minute to stop talking and to listen. Sometimes people just need an ear to bend or a hand to hold. You don't have to FIX people, you just need to be there for them.
     And for those of you that are in need, you are not alone. It is okay to ask for help.
Need help?

If I Had One Wish at Christmas

But seriously, if I had one wish at Christmas it would be for people to stop fearing what they don't understand, to take a look at the person next to them and realize, this is another human being, let's make this the first day we start to fix all of the hurts, and wounds, let's actually care for the person next to me as much as I care about myself.

Merry Christmas! Happy Chanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy Happy Happy Holidays!

Have Yourself a Snarky Little Christmas

Yesterday I made a list of my favorite Christmas tunes, but today I'm going to talk about things that stress me out about our favorite holiday jingles. And I mean stress me out in a Seinfeldian way.

Marshmallow World

I actually rather like this song. It's cute and catchy. Its happy and upbeat. But that line "and the sun is red like a pumpkin head," is seriously misplaced. First off--wrong season, pal. Jack-o-lanterns are shriveled up faces that look like an ancient man who lost his dentures by this point of the year.

Second off--last time I checked, pumpkins were orange not red. I know you're forcing a rhyme here, but face it, this one is bad.

My Favorite Things

I say this every year. Every. Year. this simply is NOT a Christmas song. What would make this a Christmas song? If you think of the source, the musical The Sound of Music, it's actually sung during a thunderstorm, which generally do not take place in the winter or anytime near Christmas! Just because the song mentions brown paper packages tied up with string, and silver-white winters that melt into spring, does not make it a Christmas anthem. It also mentions biting dogs and stinging bees! So just stop playing it! Stop it right now!

Run Run Rudolph

Out of all the reindeer you know you're the mastermind. Run run Rudolph, Randolph ain't too far behind.

Who is Randolph? Why is he chasing Santa and Rudolph? Is he another reindeer? The animal control officer? Someone, tell me!

Little Saint Nick

I'm going to be a grammar snob for a minute here. But when you talk of Santa and say, "He don't  miss no one," that means he actually does miss people! Someone isn't getting presents, and it's someone who uses double negatives! How about he doesn't miss anyone?? Just a thought.
Then there's the whole Captain Obvious moment of the song. As it's fading out we hear the line, "Christmas comes this time each year."  Well my, isn't that profound.  Of course it comes this time each year! Thanks for pointing it out!

I'll Be Home for Christmas

There has been a long debate (in my mind!) around this song which has many, many versions.
The line starts, "I'll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me. Please have snow and mistletoe..." and here's where the debate comes in to play.  Some versions (sung by less crazy people) say presents 'NEATH the tree. Some who want to be more modern say presents UNDER the tree, which is where presents go, right? UNDER or BENEATH the tree. But the version that I cannot wrap my head around, says  presents ON the tree. When have presents ever gone ON the three? Never in my whole life! Is there some sort of Christmas tree mystery of the past of which I'm unaware where presents actually did go ON the three? Enlighten me with your wisdom Santa, because you lost me.

Baby it's Cold Outside

I'm just going to say this, if you're asking your date, "Say, what's in this drink?" You're either with Bill Cosby, or some other creeper that you need to knee in the groin and tell him, "It may be cold, but I'll stay here when hell freezes over buddy and for Christmas I got you mace in the face!"

Admittedly we all get a little overly PC. This song was written by a husband to perform with his wife at their Christmas party, NOT as a date rape anthem.

In the 1940s, it could be seen as scandalous for an unmarried woman to be alone, drinking with a man — much less staying the night. So it's not that the woman in the song doesn't want to stay — it's that she doesn't want to be judged for it. (1)

Here's a cute alternative.
One more time with consent

Sleigh Ride

So my issue with this song for me is; who is Farmer Gray? Isn't this a Christmas song? Why isn't Farmer Gray having a Christmas party instead of a birthday party? It seems an obvious lyrical choice. (I know a few updated versions do say Christmas party--duh!).

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Be of Good Cheer! Honestly, when has anyone ever said that to you? Oh, never? Yeah, me either.
And is it Christmas or Halloween? Why are we telling scary ghost stories? Does it mean the story of Ebeneezer Scrooge and the three ghosts or is someone just having too much rum punch and forgetting what day it is again?

All snark aside, I do really love these songs and I'm only poking fun and being silly. They are songs that are meant for fun and festivity not seriousness. I get that, I just like to be a little snarky now and again. If you can't lose the seriousness of life every once and awhile and laugh at yourself, well as my sister thought the song went...
"Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days...UP YOURS!"

Just kidding!!!


1. http://www.npr.org/2016/12/20/505113526/one-more-time-with-consent-baby-its-cold-outside-gets-an-update

Life is Too Important to be Taken Seriously!

     I need a little break from reality, a little distraction from all of the violence and hate going on out there. I decided I'd share my favorite Christmas songs. A little Christmas...right this very minute. So without further ado, my 18 favorite Christmas songs (in no preferential order)

1. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch by Thurl Ravenscroft
How can that be a real name? This one is just a classic and it makes me think of my mum, because this is her favorite Christmas show of all time!
Mr. Grinch


2. God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman by The Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan
Great little upbeat version of this song, plus I love the blend of the voices. Very nice
God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman

3. The 12 Days of Christmas by John Denver and the Muppets!
I love the Muppets and I love the video on this one (even though it's grainy and old).
I used to sit in my parents' recliner and watch the Muppet show. It's childhood. Dah dump bump bump...Muppets!

4. It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas by Bing Crosby.
Remember, when you want to sing as low-key as Bing, you have to tuck your chin down to your neck and your voice magically lowers. No, really, it works!
Bing!

5. Santa Baby by Earth Kit
This is the only version of this song I will accept. This video is trippy.
Santa Baby

6. The 12 Days of Christmas by Reliant K
Here's another version of this song. This one is funny and poses the question...why would anyone want these gifts? What's a Partridge and What's a Pear Tree?

7. Christmas Lights by Coldplay
Yes, I know this one is a bit depressing but it has a hopeful message.
Christmas Lights

8. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas by Gayla Peevey
This is another song where I will only accept the original. There are a couple of (terrible) country versions out there. Why? Why would you feel the need to remake this song? The video I found for it is pretty cute too.
If not a little weird.
Only a Hippopotamus Will Do

9. Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder
Love this. All of the lyrics.
Someday at Christmas

10. Merry Christmas Everybody by Oasis (Slade Cover)
I just really like this one, but NOT the Train cover of it.
Merry Christmas Everybody
And for fun check out the Slade version and video.
Slade

11. Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney
Super grainy version of this video but I do love this song. It never gets old. Makes me think of waking up at 5AM on Christmas morning as a kid.
Wonderful Christmas Time

12. O Come O Come Emmanuel by the Punch Brothers
There is something about the arrangement of this one that just grabs me. I found this song a few years ago. Sometimes I like to listen to it even when it isn't Christmas time.
O Come O Come Emmanuel

13. The Fairytale of New York by the Pogues featuring Kristy MacColl
Another rather depressing one, but I love it all the same.  How can you not with an opening line:
It was Christmas Eve in the drunk tank...
Fairytales

14. Oiche Chiuin (Silent Night) by Enya
Silent Night is just a beautiful song. Whenever I hear it, I just immediately feel 10 degrees calmer. This version is haunting.
Oiche Chiuin

15. Christmas is a Comin' by Bing Crosby
I feel like Bing is the king of Christmas songs. This song is a great reminder--the more you give at Christmas time, the more you get.
Christmas is A-comin'

16. Fuck You if You Don't Like Christmas by Crudbump
OK, so it's a little irreverent, but it never fails to make me laugh. And Seriously F you if you DON'T like Christmas.
Other kinds of Nog?


17. What are You Doing New Year's Eve--The Head and the Heart
This may be the first song that made me fall in love with the Head and the Heart.
What ARE you doing NYE?

18. Auld Lang Syne by Andrew Bird
Auld Lang Syne” was originally a Scottish poem that was later set to music. The phrase “auld lang syne” translates literally to “old long since” in English and means something akin to “times gone by.” (Thanks Grammerly.com)
Times Gone By

Let's take a cup of kindness yet...Cheers!

Update! I forgot one.
19. Little Town by Amy Grant
This is actually the only version of Oh Little Town of Bethlehem I really like.
Little Town

Update 2!
I am really falling down on the job.
20. (Let's make this a round #). Dear Santa by Jay Brannan
I forgot how much I love this one.It's like an Christmas Emo anthem
Dear Santa

Wake up!

     I was really hoping that the electoral college would come through and vote for someone, anyone, but Trump. Am I surprised that they didn't? No. Am I disappointed. Of course I am. As the end of the year approaches, and the inauguration looms like a tsunami warning, it's difficult not to become desperate and depressed and to grasp at straws that there is someway to rid ourselves of the Trump plague. 
     I don't  think however, that  the undermining of our election process that took place should be taken lightly.

 U.S. intelligence analysts have concluded that Russia intervened in the 2016 election to help President-elect Donald Trump win the White House. (1)

     Think about that for a minute. It's not just my or anyone else's  hard feelings over the election bringing light to this matter.  U.S. intelligence analysts made this conclusion. But why? Why would Russia care about our election?
     The answer is easy; who is going to be easier to bend to their will than a guy who is 100% not qualified for the position? Who is going to be friendlier with Russia? Who will be more willing to do their bidding than someone who already has a vested interest in Russia? 

The Russians appear to have concluded that Trump had a shot at winning and that he would be much friendlier to Russia than Clinton would be, especially on issues such as maintaining economic sanctions and imposing additional ones, (2)

     Of course Trump will be friendlier to Russia, he is already in their pocket. And what happened to Trump's accusations that the polls were rigged? That the election was rigged? Suddenly, he's back peddling because it serves his purpose. 

“I think it’s ridiculous,” Trump said in an interview with “Fox News Sunday,” his first Sunday show appearance since the election last month. “I think it’s just another excuse. I don’t believe it . . . No, I don’t believe it at all.” (3)

     This is the response from the guy who was adamant during the elections that things were rigged...but ONLY if he didn't win. Can we say classic narcissist? 

     So what happens now? Do we as a country let this stand? How is our election process valid if it is proven that there was interference, no matter who was behind it? President Obama, Democrats, and Republicans alike are insisting that an investigation be conducted. But then what? Do we as the public just say, "Oh well, things were rigged, let's move on." or do we demand that something be done? If this isn't enough to scare the public, what is?

     Don't think that letting this stand means nothing. If Russia is allowed to get away with this, what's to stop them from rigging other elections? Nothing. It's already happening. 

Moscow is launching a similar effort to influence the next German election, following an escalating campaign to promote far-right and nationalist political parties and individuals in Europe that began more than a decade ago. 

In both cases, said the [Intelligence] official, Putin's campaigns in both Europe and the United States are intended to disrupt and discredit the Western concept of democracy by promoting extremist candidates, parties, and political figures. (4).

     So here we are, stuck with a certifiable megalomaniac  president-elect, one with no qualifications to be POTUS and it's due to some democracy undermining Russian plot? It seems like something out of a movie, but this is real life. This is terrifying real life. Just looking in to this miscarriage of our voting system is not enough. Something must be done to stop it from continuing to happen. Some kind of corrective action must be taken to show that we aren't okay with it.  We need to wake up and do something, before it's too late.   


1 & 2.  Walcott, John. "Russia intervened to help Trump win election: intelligence officials." Reuters. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2016.

3. Viebeck, Elise. "Trump denies CIA report that Russia intervened to help him win election." The Washington Post. N.p., 11 Dec. 2016. Web. 20 Dec. 2016.

4. Walcott, John. "Russia intervened to help Trump win election: intelligence officials." Reuters. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2016.

You gotta Walk the Walk

     I had an interesting experience over Thanksgiving Holiday that I wanted to talk through here. I am what some people call a "crazy walker." I choose to walk for exercise (as opposed to running or jogging) for various reasons including the following
a). I am incredibly lazy and walking seems the lesser of two evils.
b). Running hurts. That doesn't sound like a legit reason, but I have a bad hip and it truly does hurt.
c). I see a lot more, notice the world a lot more at a walking pace than I would at a running pace.

     So this Thanksgiving, I signed up  to do a "Feast and Feathers" 10K. It was a brisk morning, but the sun was somewhat shiny, and the leaves were a gorgeous shade of gold, still hanging on to the trees.
     As a walker, I find that I am often one of a few people walking with a pack of runners. Or because I walk rather quickly (about 5 miles an hour on a good day), I usually start with the mid-pack and the other walkers are somewhere behind me. 
     This particular event took place at Cunningham Lake in Omaha, NE on the trails. There were many places throughout the course that were narrow enough that we participants had to proceed in a single-file fashion. Because of this, especially at the beginning of the race, there were some traffic jams, for lack of a better term. As the race progressed, this happened less and less, but I still found times where I was stuck behind a jogger or runner-turned-walker or someone was stuck behind me.  When I got to those places where I could hear footsteps rhythmically pounding behind me, I felt obligated to step up my pace to at least a slow jog in order to make way for the runner behind me. I felt like I had to keep up or I'd be an annoyance to someone else. I didn't want to be in the way. I didn't want to be singled out or different from anyone else out there.
     As different people approached and I made room for them to pass, I felt myself shrinking off to the side of the trail in an effort to blend in or be less of a roadblock. But then it hit me; why should I feel that I had to change what I was doing, or who I am --a walker--just to accommodate everyone else? Why couldn't they be more accepting and just go around me? Why should I feel pressured to do something that makes me hurt and that I do not enjoy? I had all of these defensive thoughts going through my head. I created stories in my mind that the runners were annoyed by me and thought me to be less of an athlete because I was only walking. I felt that I was alone out there on this trail and they resented me when they had to walk and I passed them going up the steep hills. 
     After about 4.5 miles of first feeling guilty for walking, then frustrated, I had somewhat of a silly revelation of the metaphor I'd just created for humanity. All people at some point or another feel the same things I did.  While wandering through life, just like I wandered through the Cunningham Lake trails, we all have these kinds of thoughts and feelings.  Everyone feels at some point that they have to fit in to be okay. People waffle between wanting to go unnoticed and wanting someone to take notice. No one wants to be an annoyance. Call it the herd mentality, but no one wants to be singled out. 
      On the other side of that coin, people as a whole want to be accepted for who they are.  They don't want to change to fit an ideal. And the biggest realization for me was that people will continue to make up stories about those that are different from them in order to explain those differences. This happens daily. Be it the walker assuming the runners are annoyed with her, the different socioeconomic classes assuming that the rich are heartless bastards or the poor are lazy sponges, or humans pigeon-holing eachother into racial, gender, sexual orientation, or religious stereotypes. We continually make things up in our minds to account for each other's differences instead of trying to learn what makes us different and what makes us the same. No one should have to change who they are to fit in or be respected. We are all unique and important and innately the same. Instead of filling in the blanks with our own answers, let's try harder. Let's actually stop our brains from running rampant and take the time to learn about each other. 
 

I'm convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere. For a change, start by speaking to people rather than walking by them like they're stones that don't matter. As long as you're breathing, it's never too late to do some good. Maya Angelou
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mayaangelo578849.html?src=t_walking

Vacation Hangover

That there, that's not me. I go where I please. I walk through walls. I float down the Liffey.

     I love vacation. I love it far, far more than work. If I could vacation for a living, I'm certain that I would never grow to resent the long hours I was called to put in, or the awkward things that I can't quite cop on to and have to learn and then re-learn. 

I'm not here. This isn't happening. I'm not here, I'm not here.

      Instead, vacation must be the pot of gold at the end of the working rainbow. I will have to continue to scrimp and save, and put in my time in order to do it. Somehow though, when I get back to the grind, I find myself depressed and unmotivated, where I should be rested and renewed. I know it isn't just because I ran myself ragged trekking across parts of Europe, or jet lag. I simply do not want to work. That's anti-American isn't it? To not want to work 40 + hours a week, doesn't that say something about my metal as a citizen of the USA?

In a little while I'll be gone. The moment's already passed. Yeah, it's gone.

     I certainly hope not. As I visited countries with many more "workers rights" in place,I just honed in on the fact that as Americans maybe we have our priorities out of whack. We are so focused on the acquisition of things that we cant's see the forest for the trees. It's not about things it's about each other. Work-life balance weighs heavily on the work end and while I know it's a means to an end, for so many it is much more than that; it is life. I'm not trying to sound whiny or lazy, but rather appreciative of a) the fact that I could take a week long vacation and visit other places b)all of the things going on around me, that when my nose is buried in work I miss.  As 2016 wraps up, I want to focus my 2017 eyes on being mindful of life, because I only get one shot at it, at least as this person I do.

Credit for Lyrics to Radiohead "How to Disappear Completely"

Begin radio silence...be back in December. Still fighting the good fight. <3

No Hard Feelings

Perhaps this is nothing new for you economics types out there, but it offered me a bit of an explanation in my ever-swirling mind. Globalization versus Nationalism.

Globalization is the process in which people, ideas and goods spread throughout the world, spurring more interaction and integration between the world's cultures, governments and economies. 1

Nationalism is a shared group feeling in the significance of a geographical and sometimes demographic region seeking independence for its culture or ethnicity that holds that group together. 2 

And no hard feelings.

      It has been suggested that as the United States recovered from the World Wars, the country's sense of Nationalism was the highest it had been since the American Revolution.It is also expounded that as time moved further away from the atrocities of these wars, and peace and prosperity abounded, the younger generations shifted to more leftist ideals. People began to have more interest in civil rights, reproductive rights, and global harmony. People had a renewed interest in making global interconnections. This can be seen throughout historical times of peace and prosperity not just after the WWI and WWII. I think globalization is even more evident now that the world has become such a small place thanks to the internet. 

Lord knows they haven't done, much good for anyone. Kept me awake and cold.     

     Sadly, in my opinion, there are people who see globalization as a threat to American nationalism and patriotism. They view the two ideals as mutually exclusive. I don't think this has to be so. 
     Can we not as a nation, be proud of who we are and the things we have to offer to the rest of the world without seeing ourselves as better? Is it truly the human condition to have a need to differentiate and isolate out of self preservation? What harm comes from understanding and appreciating another culture? Without trying to change it or ridicule it because it is different from ours can other cultures not enrich our own?  Would we not have a lot less issues politically, diplomatically, and financially if we took in to account the differences of others and worked with them instead of against them? 

Holding the love in my life...and no hard feelings.

     I know that I am an idealist. I know that human nature comes in to play and that there are people who do not have good intentions. But if we, as a nation, stick to the idea that we are better than other nations it gets us nowhere. If we as citizens stick to the idea that some of us are better than others, it gets us nowhere. Our nation declared itself free of tyranny with the following words:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

     If all men are created equal, does that not apply to ALL men? (and of course I mean all humans here). It doesn't say, all men of the United States of America or all white men, or all non-white men, or all Christians, it says and is inclusive of ALL.

I have no enemies.

     Nationalism is not a bad thing. Globalization is not a bad thing. They can exist together if we truly want them to and take actions to make them mutually inclusive. We can still be proud of America and also love our fellow humans no matter where they are from. Being a part of the world at large does not eliminate our national and cultural identity as Americans. Perhaps it would give us all something for which to be proud, if we could be the models of global understanding and appreciation. 

Credit for lyrics to the Avett Brothers "No Hard Feelings"

First We Admit Our Mistakes and Then We Open Our Eyes

     It's a scary world out there, and it seems like it is always becoming scarier. Our friends and family who feel under threat by comments and actions made by President-Elect Trump and his cohorts need to know that they are not alone, that even though Trump was elected, people are still watching out for them. I'm sure by now, most people have heard of the movement to wear a safety pin to show solidarity and support.

Why the Safety Pin?

     With the pin, comes responsibility. It isn't just a symbol or a fashion accessory it is a statement saying; if I see someone being harassed or harmed in any way, I will stand up and do something. If you don't mean that, please, do not wear the pin. People need our voices, and our actions.
     Seeing a situation unfold is scary, I found this article and comic strip helpful in knowing how to diffuse the situation. What do I do?

     Harassment of course doesn't only happen to those of  Muslim faith, but I think this example gives a good plan of action for most situations.  As always, it doesn't matter who is the victim of this treatment, we need to stand together to protect our friends.
     Of course, there will always be criticism for those who wish to bring good in to the world, such as this simple gesture of solidarity.
He does make a good point
     The author of this piece is right in a lot of ways. Perhaps we white people are trying to make ourselves feel better?  Perhaps we DO need to sit in our guilt of being part of a racist system from which we benefit. But I fear that will just bring more apathy and inaction. What good will it do to just sit and wallow in the fact that yes, we have messed up and continue to mess up, when instead we can actually do something? We can actually prove ourselves to be allies instead of just saying the words.
     As the title of this entry says, "First we admit our mistakes and then we open our eyes." Opening our eyes means opening our mouths, our pocketbooks, our hearts and doing whatever we can to help. We may have messed up over and over again, but we keep trying. We accept that people of color or the LBGTQ community, or the Muslim community may not appreciate the gesture of the safety pin and may find it to be condescending. I think the way to deter those feelings in others is with follow through. As they say, put your money where your mouth is. Put your actions there too. The author of the article above has a good list of things we can do to be an ally. I will do a synopsis here but you can read the full article here Being an ally
1. Be intolerant of intolerance
2. Seek out marginalized voices and perspectives
3. Confront your racism and don't be fragile
4. Use your privilege to support marginalized movements
5. Give your time and money
6. Be proactive about inclusion in your daily life
7. Avoid segregation
8. Do the work to be inclusive

      Getting back to the safety pin--don't wear the pin as a gesture, wear it as a commitment that you aren't going to stand idly by while others continue to be marginalized. Take the time to understand the world view different from your own, work to make a change. Be a friend, be an ally, be a protector. As my friend Lindsay said, just be sure when you are speaking up you aren't speaking down to another. Take the time to listen without being defensive. Take the time to listen.

Is This the Real Life? Is This Just Fantasy?

     I can often be heard saying that I am taking a News Hiatus. If I hear one more bad bit of information, I feel t hat I will either lie on the floor sobbing and thrashing about, or I will retreat to the solace of my bed, never to be seen again.

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

      Yet, everyday when I find a minute of down time, I do what 1.18 billion daily active users (on average for September 2016) of Facebook do--I scroll through my feed. Of course I stop to look at all of the cute puppies that await me, but I am also inundated by items of news.  Statistics from Facebook's website.

According to a recent Pew poll, 62 percent of Americans now get news ^[1] on social media, with Facebook overwhelmingly being the most popular ^[2] platform. And yet too often it was not news that Americans found on Facebook, but rather fake stories dressed up as the news ^[3].

      So how much of what we read on Facebook is accurate and fact-based? While, Facebook is a forum for people to share their opinions (and cute puppies!),  it is apparent from the quote above that people are using it as a source of information-gathering without checking that information's credibility.  Facebook users are relying on the platform, in many cases, as their only source of news information. If stories are not credible, shouldn't they be labeled as such? 

The social network's power is indisputable. Hundreds of millions of people see links to news stories and opinions through the site. (4) 

     But the onus is not fully on Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook. We as readers and consumers of information have to be cognizant of what we are reading, and do some investigative work of our own. Look at where believing everything we read has gotten us.

     I hadn't heard the phrase "click-bait" until really recently, but it is quite fitting. I have absoluely fallen victim to this kind of deceiving practice. I see a story that seems incredulous, or one that fits my thoughts exactly and click there it is in black and white, so it must be true, right? Without checking the source, I've just become another blind believer. 

...it’s hard to visit Facebook without seeing phony headlines like “FBI Agent Suspected in Hillary Email Leaks Found Dead in Apparent Murder-Suicide” or “Pope Francis Shocks World, Endorses Donald Trump for President, Releases Statement” promoted by no-name news sites like the Denver Guardian and Ending The Fed. (5)

Open your eyes.

     How do we combat this problem?  The obvious answer is to think before clicking, but come on, we're all humans and our curiosity is hard to reign in. The next obvious answer would be, don't believe everything you read. This one is  more difficult because once you've read something, it's as though a seed is planted in your mind and it's hard to dig that little bugger out. Finally, and I think the most important, is to consider the source, consider the source, consider the source. (Read link #6 below). While I strongly believe that sites like Facebook should be responsible for checking the content of it's page, we all know how difficult of a task this will be in the age of memes and going viral. Much like an insult, once something is out there, it's hard to take back. That means as readers, we have to be proactive and alert. Everyone's heard the saying, "If it looks to good to be true, (or in a lot of  cases too bad to be true) it probably is!"

"Things like strange domain names, unusual domain extensions, and using ALL CAPS should be warning signs. And make sure to look for who else is reporting the news: "Sometimes lack of coverage is the result of corporate media bias and other factors, but there should typically be more than one source reporting on a topic or event." (7)

Pay attention, but also remember that there are not many news sources out there that are truly unbiased, most lean right or left. The important consideration begs the question:  is the source uritlizing facts or opinions. 
Who do I trust?
Read smartly, not blindly and as with all things in life, always question the motivation. Good luck!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7


Credit to Queen for Lyrics from "Bohemian Rhapsody"

If it's Okay, I'm Not A-ok Right Now

     I'm feeling a little ragged-hearted this morning. There are a lot of tough conversations that need to be had and they can be soul-wearying and exhausting, but they are worth having. No mind has ever been changed by avoidance, no heart was ever turned by inaction.
     The question arose last night as to whether a law is a law is a law or whether there are shades of grey. Certainly there are varying degrees of wrongness, both ethically and morally. For example, if a person steals something, it is illegal. If a person murders someone, it is of course, illegal. But which is worse? Stealing hurts someone as does murder, but in different ways. Isn't taking someone's life a much worse offense? If not, why is one crime punished more severely than the other? If all crimes are equally illegal why the differing degrees of punishment?
     Another example: let's think about the case of murder. Are there not varying degrees of murder sentences? There's first and second degree murder, capital murder, manslaughter both voluntary and involuntary, and negligent homicide.Which penalty is assigned is decided on the state level.  And yet, isn't all murder the killing of another human being?
     To say that crime is cut and dry  is a falsehood. There are always extenuating circumstances involved. This is not to say that someone who commits a criminal act should go unpunished, but to assume that all who commit crimes do so for the same reason, or that all crimes are equal is naive. To say that every person who commits a crime should be punished without taking into account of what circumstances led to the crime is frankly not how our criminal justice systems works. If it did, a lot of attorneys would be out of a job.

Oh, I know. I'm holding on to a ghost.

     I am not a criminal psychologist. I cannot begin to delve in to the mind of the criminal. What I am is someone who holds that most people have good in them.  (Of course there are the criminally insane, and those who are evil to the point where they cannot turn back, but most people have good in them).
Without listening to the individual stories and the  circumstances, there would also be no varying of sentences for crimes committed.  What about the abused  who takes the life of their abuser? Are they guilty of murder? Yes. Should they be sentenced to life imprisonment or the death penalty? I don't think so.

I know I'm tangled up in your ropes

     And what about the person who has illegally entered the United States, which is where last night's discussion actually began.  Do we listen to why they have fled their home country or are they just another criminal? What they've done is illegal, yes, but do we have no obligation to find out the why of their story? Do we just assume criminality because their entrance in to the country is illegal? Is illegally entering this country as wrong as murdering someone? Should all crimes be punished the exact same way, with the exact same sentence? Again, I don't think so. I think that there is SO MUCH grey involved. There has to be, because we're humans and we're messy and we aren't all the same. That we are unique is what makes us the same.

     Do I know the answer to these problems? No, I do not. Do I think that people who entered this country in search of a better life should be rounded up and shipped out without taking in to consideration why they are here? No, I do not.

     What I'm saying with all of this is simple. Don't judge a situation without knowing the facts and the story behind it. Listening and understanding does not  negate someone's crime, but it does help us to recognize the humanity of a person.

     There is so much work to do. So much understanding.

 "No one asked you to be happy. Get to work."--Colette

Credit to USS for the lyrics from "N/A Ok"

Get up Stand Up

     I've thought about the difference between staying calm and calming down. The difference is huge. Being calm means having rationality and the foresight to choose words and actions wisely, so that they support that for which I am fighting.

     Calming down means accepting that things are "okay" or "normal" when clearly they are not. The fact that Mr. Trump was elected president DESPITE the fact that he makes ludicrous xenophobic, misogynist, bigoted statements is indicative of a problem. While I choose to remain ever the optimist, please don't confuse my happy attitude with complacency.

Stand up for your rights.

     I will continue to speak out and speak against any policies or statements made that are harmful to any person or their beliefs. I will align myself with those who believe that human kind and the environment are too precious to hurt or destroy. I know that this has always been a constant fight. That will not change, except that it is now a more difficult and arduous task.
     If you haven't, you should check this video out from  John Oliver. John Oliver on the Election
He says something that should be posted up in a place we come in contact with every day: "This is not okay," and most importantly, he reminds us that we need to actively stand up for each other and make actual sacrifices to help those who are under threat and need our help.
     I have felt admittedly hopeless since the election. But I know that hopelessness leads to the "calming down." It leads to the complacency that lets things happen instead of making things happen. It's the difference between being passive and being active. I know that as a white woman in this society I don't have all of the privilege of my male counterparts, but that I do have privilege and I will use it for good. I will use it to be a friend, an ally, and (if needed) a protector. I am willing to make those sacrifices, because this is NOT okay.

Don't give up the fight.

Below is the list of links that Mr. Oliver discussed. Consider donating your time, talents, and treasures to them as you are able. They need it now more than ever.

Planned Parenthood
Women's Center for Reproductive Rights
National Resource Defense Council
International Refugee Assistance Project
Amnesty International
NAACP Defense Fund
Mexican American Legal Defense Fund
The Trevor Project for LBGTQ Youth

But the Sun Will Still Rise

     I told myself I was done talking about politics and that I would focus on something else in today's blog, but alas I don't feel I've gotten it out of my system yet. I probably won't. Ever.  I read  an article in the Omaha World Herald  this morning about students protesting the election and it said:

"Dissent is ok, disrespect is not"

I think this needs to be considered on all levels because disrespect is a major reason we are where we are today. Disrespect and it's good buddy fear are what has caused this rift in our nation. 

"More than half of Democrats (55%) say the Republican Party makes them “afraid,” while 49% of Republicans say the same about the Democratic Party."--

“Partisanship and political animosity in 2016.” Pew Research Center. Pew Research Center for the People and the Press, 22 June 2016. Web. 11 Nov. 2016.
      Disrespect is the embodiment of who was elected president just two short days ago. How can this disrespect be countered? If you thought I was going to say kindness, you're only partially right. I think kindness is the answer 99.9% of the time, but disrespect can be countered by understanding.
     No, I do not mean lying down and taking it when someone treats you or anyone disrespectfully. Quite the opposite. What I mean is understanding when our own actions are disrespectful and keeping that in check. Because in the grand scheme of things, who can we control? Only ourselves. We can control our actions, our words, and to most extents our minds. (Believe me, I know all about that negative self-talk and how hard it is to keep that beast in line).
 I am a strong believer that everything in our lives is  about making choices. When we are upset we choose how to channel those emotions. 

Choice A. Reactionary--carrying on, throwing a fit, hurling obscenities and hurtful words at people (even when we truly mean them).

Choice B. Functionary-- respecting that others have an opinion even if we don't understand it or agree with it, working to change the things we find reprehensible, and being the bigger person.

      Anger and sadness can be  powerful motivators, but hurting others around us  defeats our purpose and is quite frankly, hypocritical. Peaceful protests springing up around the country are spot on with what needs to happen. People need a place to voice their despair and anger. 
     On the other side of that coin, riots, looting, and violence are just giving fuel to the other side's fear. Respect for someone  does not mean that you believe in, or accept their views.  It means that you respect that they are another human being who is allowed  to have  beliefs and views of their own, no matter if you will never agree. Some people's minds will never be changed and sadly some people are just evil-minded, but I think we have the chance to change more minds with thoughtful, honest discussion than with insults and jeers. It isn't easy to undo years of hateful thinking, but why would we ever give up trying?

You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to play well. You don't have to do everything by yourself.

     Take a look around you and breathe. The sun rose today. I'm willing to wager a fair deal of money that it will rise again tomorrow. Choose your words and actions wisely. Be a person you will be proud of 5 years from now. Use your anger and hurt for good. Be a friend, be an ally, be a protector. Do not become that which you fight against.  

"Here, repeat after me, it goes; I won't stop loving. I won't stop loving."

https://www.change.org/p/electoral-college-electors-electoral-college-make-hillary-clinton-president-on-december-19?recruiter=14133602&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink

Credit to Holcome Waller's "Hardliners"  for the lyrics.

And Here We Are in the Center of the First World

Who am I to breakdown?

     Yesterday was tough. It was a bit like grieving the loss of someone who was then ripped out of my life without any warning. I felt like my hope for kindness and peace on earth and all good things had died. 
      So what do I do when I feel blind-sided? I read. I research. And what did I find in my search? I found that  I had done what so many of us did, something that drives me crazy. I had buried my head in the sand and assumed that everything would be okay. I assumed that the election was in the bag because no one would vote for a raving lunatic. I paid attention to my own little world and not the world at large; something we liberals are good to point the finger at conservatives about. That is why I felt blind-sided, because I chose to ignore what was in front of me. I chose to ignore the fact that people are unhappy.

It's too easy just to fall apart

I'm not the biggest fan of Michael Moore. I feel like his  demeanor is often obnoxious for obnoxiousness sake. But he made such a good point that I wanted to share it here.

 "Everyone must stop saying they are "stunned" and "shocked". What you mean to say is that you were in a bubble and weren't paying attention to your fellow Americans and their despair. YEARS of being neglected by both parties, the anger and the need for revenge against the system only grew. Along came a TV star they liked whose plan was to destroy both parties and tell them all "You're fired!" Trump's victory is no surprise. He was never a joke. Treating him as one only strengthened him. He is both a creature and a creation of the media and the media will never own that. "

     And we all bought it didn't we? I bought it. I too thought Trump was a joke that could be written off. I never thought he had a chance of being elected even after he won the primaries. Even after he won the nomination, I thought there is no way in hell this guy can get elected and I was wrong.

Every day I wake up I choose love, I choose light.

     So what do we do now? We work on making a change like we've been doing our whole lives. We work to make things better for everyone. Do things end just because Trump got elected? I say HELL NO. David Wong made these excellent points in his article, "Don't Panic." 

First, understand that the opposite of panic is not blithe acceptance of the situation -- it's clear-minded, positive, day-to-day action. Panic makes you do stupid shit or, even worse, curl up into a ball and do nothing. Don't tell me you have reason to panic. You never have reason to panic. You have reason to act.
So yeah, be upset for as long as you want. Get drunk. Do whatever you have to do. After that, I want you to sober up, splash water on your face, and consider some facts: 

Gay marriage has overwhelming support nationwide -- 55 percent to 37 percent against.
Legal abortion is favored by 56 percent, with 41 percent opposed.
The vast majority of the population supports background checks for gun buyers -- up to 90 percent in some polls.
A majority of Americans support some kind of universal health care                                       58 percent to 37 percent.

64 percent of Americans are worried about global warming. Only 36 percent are not.
And -- get this -- Americans overwhelmingly agree that immigration helps the country more than it hurts, by a 59 percent to 33 percent margin.
Okay?
Your country didn't go anywhere. It's right here where you left it.

Do we have work to do? Of course we do! So let's get going, time is wasting folks! Good can't win alone, it needs the purveyors of good to keep fighting. 

We're not living the good life, unless we're fighting the good fight.

     As I said yesterday, now is the time to act. It's time to support those who are feeling scared and hurt. ALL of them. It's time to TALK about things and not just pretend they don't exist because they are difficult and we may disagree. It's time do DO something about the hurts and injustices instead of just saying, "Well its not happening to me."  I think we've learned--things aren't going to go away just because we wish they didn't exist. If you believe that, what are you going to do when the other shoe drops? Wake up. Act. Keep fighting for the good and right. Stand together and be a friend, be an ally, be a protector.

(Thank you to The Submarines for the lyrics)

Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night

    I  am stunned, sickened, appalled, disgusted, and most of all terrified.  I sit and ask myself why  has this happened. Why has a man who has openly demeaned women, a man who threatens  and bullies, a man who would take away freedom of speech just because he doesn't like what people really feel about him elected president?  The questions are rolling in my mind. How? Why? For gods-sake why? 

     These unanswerable, scalding questions lead to more. How are citizens of this nation fooled? How are so many people on board with electing a megalomaniac, misogynist, bigot? Why are people so upset that they would overlook all of his hateful rhetoric? I have to tell myself that people voted out of desperate need of some kind of change, because if I think everyone voted because their views are in line with this tyrant I cannot go on. 

Wild Men Who Caught and Sang the Sun in Flight, and Learn, Too Late, They Grieved it on its Way. Do not go gentle into that good night.

     Today I would like to go home and crawl back in to bed and make it all go away. But I know in my heart of hearts, as Dr. Martin Luther King said in his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance, "Right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant." I also know that burying one's head in the sand only leads to more people being marginalized. 
     Now is the time to stand up and to stand together. It is the time to refuse to be bullied and to refuse to let those around us be bullied. We need to use our fear and disgust for good in the face of hate. 
     This is my war cry, though it be peaceful: I am with you fellow women, I am with you people of color, I am with you LGBTQ/SOGI community, I am with you people of Muslim faith--people of ALL faiths and beliefs--I am  with you as your friend, as your ally, and as your protector. I will not stand idly by and passively watch our country be taken back to what some consider great and the rest of us know is oppressive.  
     I'm going to lick my liberal wounds and come back fighting. Let's keep love and the light alive.
 Not me. Us. 
 Rage, Rage against the dying of the light. Do not go gentle into that good night.

To Blog or not to Blog...

That is the question. 

      Obviously since these words are on this page, I've made the decision to bite the bullet, dive in with both feet, and "just do it". Will anyone read this? That is undetermined. 

What is the title of the blog all about? 

     I think many people see me as an extrovert. I once described myself as shy in the presence of my mother and she gave me that, "you've got to be kidding me" look and rolled her eyes. But the truth is, I'm not, not shy. 
     What do I mean by that? I mean it takes some serious self pep-talking for me to gear up and be the first person to smile and say good morning. It takes a lot of convincing myself to go to events or parties rather than stay home in my pajamas with a book. Perhaps it isn't shyness, but a type of social anxiety as someone once suggested to me. Either way, brave face aside, people and interactions with them can leave me exhausted. I constantly replay conversations and interactions in my  head like a film reel, wondering was what I said acceptable.  I remember word-for-word conversations for years because I've analyzed them to the point of nausea. 

     When coming up with conversation topics  with strangers my usual default is the weather. It's easy to talk about and its always changing, leaving and unending supply of verbal fodder. I like to hide behind it like an umbrella. I know it is a safe source of subject matter. True, people don't LOVE the snow but no one will be mortally offended by talking about it. 

    Because I am constantly concerned with pleasing people, silence in a conversation is uncomfortable and something I feel personally responsible to fix. Instead of leaving peaceful breaks in dialogue I find that I have to fill the pauses. Once on a 13-hour road trip with one of my best friends,  we came to a lull in the conversation (after many hours on the road and admittedly many, many cups of coffee). After about 30 seconds of silence, she looked over at me and found me grinning like an idiot just waiting to start talking again. What comes out of my mouth is generally one form or another of the phrase, "That's funny."  It, like the weather, is an innocuous non-sequitur that fills the space nicely, kind of like the fluff in a Twinkie.  Let me give you an example just from this afternoon:

Me to co-worker: Were you able to go do your early voting over lunch?
Co-worker: No. The line was about 300 people long.
Me: That's funny...I hope it's better tomorrow.

     The question is, is it really funny? Annoying? Yes.  Great (in that people are voting)? Yes. Funny? Not particularly, but it gives me something to, well, say, and what not.

     The and what not shtick is a recent addition to my diatribe. I don't know when or frankly why I started saying it, but it was pointed out to me that I say it and I say it a lot.  And what not is my "Ya know what I'm saying?" But, I accept it as just another nervous verbal tick that I have.  

And what is the purpose of all of this?

     Well, again that is yet to be determined.  I hope to use it as a place to spread happiness and optimism and as a  place to share my thoughts openly without feeling like I have to measure up to some invisible bar that I create in my head. I hope that this space is a place for me to stretch my written creativity and what not...now come on,  that is funny.