Marshmallow World
I actually rather like this song. It's cute and catchy. Its happy and upbeat. But that line "and the sun is red like a pumpkin head," is seriously misplaced. First off--wrong season, pal. Jack-o-lanterns are shriveled up faces that look like an ancient man who lost his dentures by this point of the year.
Second off--last time I checked, pumpkins were orange not red. I know you're forcing a rhyme here, but face it, this one is bad.
My Favorite Things
I say this every year. Every. Year. this simply is NOT a Christmas song. What would make this a Christmas song? If you think of the source, the musical The Sound of Music, it's actually sung during a thunderstorm, which generally do not take place in the winter or anytime near Christmas! Just because the song mentions brown paper packages tied up with string, and silver-white winters that melt into spring, does not make it a Christmas anthem. It also mentions biting dogs and stinging bees! So just stop playing it! Stop it right now!Run Run Rudolph
Out of all the reindeer you know you're the mastermind. Run run Rudolph, Randolph ain't too far behind.Who is Randolph? Why is he chasing Santa and Rudolph? Is he another reindeer? The animal control officer? Someone, tell me!
Little Saint Nick
I'm going to be a grammar snob for a minute here. But when you talk of Santa and say, "He don't miss no one," that means he actually does miss people! Someone isn't getting presents, and it's someone who uses double negatives! How about he doesn't miss anyone?? Just a thought.Then there's the whole Captain Obvious moment of the song. As it's fading out we hear the line, "Christmas comes this time each year." Well my, isn't that profound. Of course it comes this time each year! Thanks for pointing it out!
I'll Be Home for Christmas
There has been a long debate (in my mind!) around this song which has many, many versions.The line starts, "I'll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me. Please have snow and mistletoe..." and here's where the debate comes in to play. Some versions (sung by less crazy people) say presents 'NEATH the tree. Some who want to be more modern say presents UNDER the tree, which is where presents go, right? UNDER or BENEATH the tree. But the version that I cannot wrap my head around, says presents ON the tree. When have presents ever gone ON the three? Never in my whole life! Is there some sort of Christmas tree mystery of the past of which I'm unaware where presents actually did go ON the three? Enlighten me with your wisdom Santa, because you lost me.
Baby it's Cold Outside
I'm just going to say this, if you're asking your date, "Say, what's in this drink?" You're either with Bill Cosby, or some other creeper that you need to knee in the groin and tell him, "It may be cold, but I'll stay here when hell freezes over buddy and for Christmas I got you mace in the face!"Admittedly we all get a little overly PC. This song was written by a husband to perform with his wife at their Christmas party, NOT as a date rape anthem.
In the 1940s, it could be seen as scandalous for an unmarried woman to be alone, drinking with a man — much less staying the night. So it's not that the woman in the song doesn't want to stay — it's that she doesn't want to be judged for it. (1)Here's a cute alternative.
One more time with consent
Sleigh Ride
So my issue with this song for me is; who is Farmer Gray? Isn't this a Christmas song? Why isn't Farmer Gray having a Christmas party instead of a birthday party? It seems an obvious lyrical choice. (I know a few updated versions do say Christmas party--duh!).It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Be of Good Cheer! Honestly, when has anyone ever said that to you? Oh, never? Yeah, me either.And is it Christmas or Halloween? Why are we telling scary ghost stories? Does it mean the story of Ebeneezer Scrooge and the three ghosts or is someone just having too much rum punch and forgetting what day it is again?
All snark aside, I do really love these songs and I'm only poking fun and being silly. They are songs that are meant for fun and festivity not seriousness. I get that, I just like to be a little snarky now and again. If you can't lose the seriousness of life every once and awhile and laugh at yourself, well as my sister thought the song went...
"Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days...UP YOURS!"
Just kidding!!!
1. http://www.npr.org/2016/12/20/505113526/one-more-time-with-consent-baby-its-cold-outside-gets-an-update
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