Do No Harm, But Take No Shit.

"Whom exactly does the culture of niceness serve? I suppose it serves the people for whom life is going well. The people in power, but where does this leave less empowered individuals and populations with legitimate complaints? Speaking truth to power too often results in feelings of judgement and anger at the complainer...It's hard work to engage in conflict, and even harder to have to change your mind. People in power have the privilege of avoiding both. The culture of niceness provides a tidy cover creating a social norm that says conflict is bad, discomfort should be avoided, and those who create them mark themselves as people who lack the kind of emotional restraint necessary to hold positions of power...Ignoring feelings and trying to smooth them over with pleasant chit chat only promises to hold people back from allowing their hearts to join their minds and recognizing injustice when it's right in front of them, or even inside them. Despite its potential to create healthier individuals, households, organizations, and communities; embracing the discomfort of conflict in the name of resolution eludes most people raised in the culture of niceness. As long as feedback from unhappy people puts the blame on the complainer, the status quo will be maintained. Change requires tolerating the kind of emotions that arise when the constraints of nice conversation are lifted." (1)

     How do we stay "nice" in an ever-increasing mean world, and do we really want to?  There is a lot of talk these days about political correctness and as Trump puts it "telling it like it is." If a blowhard who shoots his mouth off and claims to be "keeping it real",  a guy who out of 300 fact-checks had a rate of being 70% mostly false, false, or telling outright lies (2) can appeal to so many people, enough to get elected, we need to re-examine ourselves.  Like the quote above says, what is all of this niceness getting us?
     I  liken the idea of niceness to be akin to political correctness. So, first let's look at what it means to be politically correct. The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: "Disapproving,avoiding language or behavior that any particular group of people might feel is unkind or offensive." (3) Please understand, I do not support any sort of hurtful, racist, sexist, gender-offensive name calling or slurs of any kind, but it seems like we use our language as a shield to hide behind. It has become a way not only to remain nice, but a way to disengage from conversations that need to be happening. 
        Here's an example of where  niceness comes in to play. In this scenario, I am at a family holiday dinner. My in-laws and I are not on the same page regarding much in the socio-political realm. In casual  conversation my sister-in-law says, "yay Trump!" regarding his take on healthcare. In order to not lose my temper right then and there, and to keep things "nice," and to "keep the peace,"  I kindly say, "I'm going to pretend like you didn't say that," and I change the subject. 
     Does she have a right to her opinion? Of course she does? Do I have to like it? No, I do not. Can I take this opportunity to hear her out and then give my valid, logical, and reasonable rebuttal?Yes, and I should! We should have a conversation in a civilized and logical manner because my devaluing her opinion by assuming she's just a stupid Trump voter and vowing to  never talk to her again is divisive and doesn't get anything done. I do not have to agree with her. I don't even have to value her opinion, but I do have to allow her to have it. It is a good learning point, if for nothing else than to learn what I do not believe and how to better defend my position. 

If you disagree with somebody, bring them in and ask them tough questions. Hold their feet to the fire; make them defend their positions. If somebody's got a bad or offensive idea, prove it wrong. Engage it, debate it, stand up for what you believe in. Don't be scared to take somebody on. Don't feel like you've tog to shut your ears because you're too fragile and somebody might offend your sensibilities. Go after them if they're not making any sense. use your logic and reason and words, and by doing so you'll strengthen your own position. And you'll hone your arguments and maybe you'll learn something and realize maybe you don't know everything. You may have a new understanding, not only of what your opponents believe but what you believe. Either way, you win. --President Obama (4)

     The truth of the matter is, we are in a world with other people. It seems obvious, but what isn't so obvious to people is that we are going to have differing opinions and we're allowed to have them. Yes, there are people who have terrible, hateful hearts whose minds we will never change. But standing up for that which you believe isn't always an easy task. Sometimes words get ugly and uncomfortable, but if we see things through and don't just brush it under the rug because it might offend ours or someone else's sensibilities we might get somewhere.      Keeping things nice equates that talking about these things that truly matter--equality and fairness--aren't worthwhile and they are. They really really are. Hiding behind political correctness with things like "safe spaces" avoids the conversations that need to happen. Sometimes our feelings are--gasp!--going to be icky, but how can we come to terms with them if we pretend they don't exist? As much as it seems it would be easier to cut the people with whom we don't agree out of our lives, that only perpetuates the growing problem of division among people. We are already  separated by our fear of each other. Fear drives hate. Understanding perpetuates harmony and it cannot happen without dialogue.  
      Again, there is never an acceptable time to personally attack someone, call them names, or use slurs against a person for their perceived differences. But there is a time to stop being nice, and to get our feelings out on the table and hack through them. The time has got to be now, before we are even more isolated from one another. 

"And now let us welcome a new year--full of things that have never been."--Rainer Maria Rilke

1. Irving, Debby. Waking up White. N.p.: Elephant Room Press, 2014. Audible. 
2. Drobnic Holan, Angie, and Aaron Sharockman. "Fact-checking President-Elect Donald Trump." Politifact. N.p., 9 Nov. 2016. Web. 30 Dec. 2016.
3. Cambridge Dictionary. http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/politically-correct.
4. Shapiro, Eric. "Democrats Need to Start Re-Thinking Political Correctness, Which Does Them No Favors." Paste. N.p., 27 Dec. 2016. Web. 28 Dec. 2016. Quotation from President Obama

You Can Understand Why I've Been So Down About It.

     After a lovely Christmas holiday it is tough to gear up and come back to work. I miss my family (the four-legged ones included) and I miss having the free time to do as I please. I loathe the idea of sitting in my office all day and answering emails and such, but I  know it is inevitable and I can manage it (especially knowing it's a short week this week!)
     My slight case of the post-holiday blues makes me think of those who  really cannot manage at this time of year. I'm a super-optimist and I always picture people spending their holidays like I do--with loved ones and friends. But I know this isn't always the case and I know that the holidays can bring stress, loneliness, and hurt to a lot of people out there.
   

     I know that these rants are full of Pollyanna sentiments, but I think in a world full of fear and distrust the only way to get through is kindness and compassion. One kind word or action can make someone's day just a little brighter and be the fuel they  need to stoke the fire. Take an extra minute to reach out to those in need. Take an extra minute to stop talking and to listen. Sometimes people just need an ear to bend or a hand to hold. You don't have to FIX people, you just need to be there for them.
     And for those of you that are in need, you are not alone. It is okay to ask for help.
Need help?

If I Had One Wish at Christmas

But seriously, if I had one wish at Christmas it would be for people to stop fearing what they don't understand, to take a look at the person next to them and realize, this is another human being, let's make this the first day we start to fix all of the hurts, and wounds, let's actually care for the person next to me as much as I care about myself.

Merry Christmas! Happy Chanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy Happy Happy Holidays!

Have Yourself a Snarky Little Christmas

Yesterday I made a list of my favorite Christmas tunes, but today I'm going to talk about things that stress me out about our favorite holiday jingles. And I mean stress me out in a Seinfeldian way.

Marshmallow World

I actually rather like this song. It's cute and catchy. Its happy and upbeat. But that line "and the sun is red like a pumpkin head," is seriously misplaced. First off--wrong season, pal. Jack-o-lanterns are shriveled up faces that look like an ancient man who lost his dentures by this point of the year.

Second off--last time I checked, pumpkins were orange not red. I know you're forcing a rhyme here, but face it, this one is bad.

My Favorite Things

I say this every year. Every. Year. this simply is NOT a Christmas song. What would make this a Christmas song? If you think of the source, the musical The Sound of Music, it's actually sung during a thunderstorm, which generally do not take place in the winter or anytime near Christmas! Just because the song mentions brown paper packages tied up with string, and silver-white winters that melt into spring, does not make it a Christmas anthem. It also mentions biting dogs and stinging bees! So just stop playing it! Stop it right now!

Run Run Rudolph

Out of all the reindeer you know you're the mastermind. Run run Rudolph, Randolph ain't too far behind.

Who is Randolph? Why is he chasing Santa and Rudolph? Is he another reindeer? The animal control officer? Someone, tell me!

Little Saint Nick

I'm going to be a grammar snob for a minute here. But when you talk of Santa and say, "He don't  miss no one," that means he actually does miss people! Someone isn't getting presents, and it's someone who uses double negatives! How about he doesn't miss anyone?? Just a thought.
Then there's the whole Captain Obvious moment of the song. As it's fading out we hear the line, "Christmas comes this time each year."  Well my, isn't that profound.  Of course it comes this time each year! Thanks for pointing it out!

I'll Be Home for Christmas

There has been a long debate (in my mind!) around this song which has many, many versions.
The line starts, "I'll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me. Please have snow and mistletoe..." and here's where the debate comes in to play.  Some versions (sung by less crazy people) say presents 'NEATH the tree. Some who want to be more modern say presents UNDER the tree, which is where presents go, right? UNDER or BENEATH the tree. But the version that I cannot wrap my head around, says  presents ON the tree. When have presents ever gone ON the three? Never in my whole life! Is there some sort of Christmas tree mystery of the past of which I'm unaware where presents actually did go ON the three? Enlighten me with your wisdom Santa, because you lost me.

Baby it's Cold Outside

I'm just going to say this, if you're asking your date, "Say, what's in this drink?" You're either with Bill Cosby, or some other creeper that you need to knee in the groin and tell him, "It may be cold, but I'll stay here when hell freezes over buddy and for Christmas I got you mace in the face!"

Admittedly we all get a little overly PC. This song was written by a husband to perform with his wife at their Christmas party, NOT as a date rape anthem.

In the 1940s, it could be seen as scandalous for an unmarried woman to be alone, drinking with a man — much less staying the night. So it's not that the woman in the song doesn't want to stay — it's that she doesn't want to be judged for it. (1)

Here's a cute alternative.
One more time with consent

Sleigh Ride

So my issue with this song for me is; who is Farmer Gray? Isn't this a Christmas song? Why isn't Farmer Gray having a Christmas party instead of a birthday party? It seems an obvious lyrical choice. (I know a few updated versions do say Christmas party--duh!).

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Be of Good Cheer! Honestly, when has anyone ever said that to you? Oh, never? Yeah, me either.
And is it Christmas or Halloween? Why are we telling scary ghost stories? Does it mean the story of Ebeneezer Scrooge and the three ghosts or is someone just having too much rum punch and forgetting what day it is again?

All snark aside, I do really love these songs and I'm only poking fun and being silly. They are songs that are meant for fun and festivity not seriousness. I get that, I just like to be a little snarky now and again. If you can't lose the seriousness of life every once and awhile and laugh at yourself, well as my sister thought the song went...
"Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days...UP YOURS!"

Just kidding!!!


1. http://www.npr.org/2016/12/20/505113526/one-more-time-with-consent-baby-its-cold-outside-gets-an-update

Life is Too Important to be Taken Seriously!

     I need a little break from reality, a little distraction from all of the violence and hate going on out there. I decided I'd share my favorite Christmas songs. A little Christmas...right this very minute. So without further ado, my 18 favorite Christmas songs (in no preferential order)

1. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch by Thurl Ravenscroft
How can that be a real name? This one is just a classic and it makes me think of my mum, because this is her favorite Christmas show of all time!
Mr. Grinch


2. God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman by The Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan
Great little upbeat version of this song, plus I love the blend of the voices. Very nice
God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman

3. The 12 Days of Christmas by John Denver and the Muppets!
I love the Muppets and I love the video on this one (even though it's grainy and old).
I used to sit in my parents' recliner and watch the Muppet show. It's childhood. Dah dump bump bump...Muppets!

4. It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas by Bing Crosby.
Remember, when you want to sing as low-key as Bing, you have to tuck your chin down to your neck and your voice magically lowers. No, really, it works!
Bing!

5. Santa Baby by Earth Kit
This is the only version of this song I will accept. This video is trippy.
Santa Baby

6. The 12 Days of Christmas by Reliant K
Here's another version of this song. This one is funny and poses the question...why would anyone want these gifts? What's a Partridge and What's a Pear Tree?

7. Christmas Lights by Coldplay
Yes, I know this one is a bit depressing but it has a hopeful message.
Christmas Lights

8. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas by Gayla Peevey
This is another song where I will only accept the original. There are a couple of (terrible) country versions out there. Why? Why would you feel the need to remake this song? The video I found for it is pretty cute too.
If not a little weird.
Only a Hippopotamus Will Do

9. Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder
Love this. All of the lyrics.
Someday at Christmas

10. Merry Christmas Everybody by Oasis (Slade Cover)
I just really like this one, but NOT the Train cover of it.
Merry Christmas Everybody
And for fun check out the Slade version and video.
Slade

11. Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney
Super grainy version of this video but I do love this song. It never gets old. Makes me think of waking up at 5AM on Christmas morning as a kid.
Wonderful Christmas Time

12. O Come O Come Emmanuel by the Punch Brothers
There is something about the arrangement of this one that just grabs me. I found this song a few years ago. Sometimes I like to listen to it even when it isn't Christmas time.
O Come O Come Emmanuel

13. The Fairytale of New York by the Pogues featuring Kristy MacColl
Another rather depressing one, but I love it all the same.  How can you not with an opening line:
It was Christmas Eve in the drunk tank...
Fairytales

14. Oiche Chiuin (Silent Night) by Enya
Silent Night is just a beautiful song. Whenever I hear it, I just immediately feel 10 degrees calmer. This version is haunting.
Oiche Chiuin

15. Christmas is a Comin' by Bing Crosby
I feel like Bing is the king of Christmas songs. This song is a great reminder--the more you give at Christmas time, the more you get.
Christmas is A-comin'

16. Fuck You if You Don't Like Christmas by Crudbump
OK, so it's a little irreverent, but it never fails to make me laugh. And Seriously F you if you DON'T like Christmas.
Other kinds of Nog?


17. What are You Doing New Year's Eve--The Head and the Heart
This may be the first song that made me fall in love with the Head and the Heart.
What ARE you doing NYE?

18. Auld Lang Syne by Andrew Bird
Auld Lang Syne” was originally a Scottish poem that was later set to music. The phrase “auld lang syne” translates literally to “old long since” in English and means something akin to “times gone by.” (Thanks Grammerly.com)
Times Gone By

Let's take a cup of kindness yet...Cheers!

Update! I forgot one.
19. Little Town by Amy Grant
This is actually the only version of Oh Little Town of Bethlehem I really like.
Little Town

Update 2!
I am really falling down on the job.
20. (Let's make this a round #). Dear Santa by Jay Brannan
I forgot how much I love this one.It's like an Christmas Emo anthem
Dear Santa

Wake up!

     I was really hoping that the electoral college would come through and vote for someone, anyone, but Trump. Am I surprised that they didn't? No. Am I disappointed. Of course I am. As the end of the year approaches, and the inauguration looms like a tsunami warning, it's difficult not to become desperate and depressed and to grasp at straws that there is someway to rid ourselves of the Trump plague. 
     I don't  think however, that  the undermining of our election process that took place should be taken lightly.

 U.S. intelligence analysts have concluded that Russia intervened in the 2016 election to help President-elect Donald Trump win the White House. (1)

     Think about that for a minute. It's not just my or anyone else's  hard feelings over the election bringing light to this matter.  U.S. intelligence analysts made this conclusion. But why? Why would Russia care about our election?
     The answer is easy; who is going to be easier to bend to their will than a guy who is 100% not qualified for the position? Who is going to be friendlier with Russia? Who will be more willing to do their bidding than someone who already has a vested interest in Russia? 

The Russians appear to have concluded that Trump had a shot at winning and that he would be much friendlier to Russia than Clinton would be, especially on issues such as maintaining economic sanctions and imposing additional ones, (2)

     Of course Trump will be friendlier to Russia, he is already in their pocket. And what happened to Trump's accusations that the polls were rigged? That the election was rigged? Suddenly, he's back peddling because it serves his purpose. 

“I think it’s ridiculous,” Trump said in an interview with “Fox News Sunday,” his first Sunday show appearance since the election last month. “I think it’s just another excuse. I don’t believe it . . . No, I don’t believe it at all.” (3)

     This is the response from the guy who was adamant during the elections that things were rigged...but ONLY if he didn't win. Can we say classic narcissist? 

     So what happens now? Do we as a country let this stand? How is our election process valid if it is proven that there was interference, no matter who was behind it? President Obama, Democrats, and Republicans alike are insisting that an investigation be conducted. But then what? Do we as the public just say, "Oh well, things were rigged, let's move on." or do we demand that something be done? If this isn't enough to scare the public, what is?

     Don't think that letting this stand means nothing. If Russia is allowed to get away with this, what's to stop them from rigging other elections? Nothing. It's already happening. 

Moscow is launching a similar effort to influence the next German election, following an escalating campaign to promote far-right and nationalist political parties and individuals in Europe that began more than a decade ago. 

In both cases, said the [Intelligence] official, Putin's campaigns in both Europe and the United States are intended to disrupt and discredit the Western concept of democracy by promoting extremist candidates, parties, and political figures. (4).

     So here we are, stuck with a certifiable megalomaniac  president-elect, one with no qualifications to be POTUS and it's due to some democracy undermining Russian plot? It seems like something out of a movie, but this is real life. This is terrifying real life. Just looking in to this miscarriage of our voting system is not enough. Something must be done to stop it from continuing to happen. Some kind of corrective action must be taken to show that we aren't okay with it.  We need to wake up and do something, before it's too late.   


1 & 2.  Walcott, John. "Russia intervened to help Trump win election: intelligence officials." Reuters. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2016.

3. Viebeck, Elise. "Trump denies CIA report that Russia intervened to help him win election." The Washington Post. N.p., 11 Dec. 2016. Web. 20 Dec. 2016.

4. Walcott, John. "Russia intervened to help Trump win election: intelligence officials." Reuters. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2016.

You gotta Walk the Walk

     I had an interesting experience over Thanksgiving Holiday that I wanted to talk through here. I am what some people call a "crazy walker." I choose to walk for exercise (as opposed to running or jogging) for various reasons including the following
a). I am incredibly lazy and walking seems the lesser of two evils.
b). Running hurts. That doesn't sound like a legit reason, but I have a bad hip and it truly does hurt.
c). I see a lot more, notice the world a lot more at a walking pace than I would at a running pace.

     So this Thanksgiving, I signed up  to do a "Feast and Feathers" 10K. It was a brisk morning, but the sun was somewhat shiny, and the leaves were a gorgeous shade of gold, still hanging on to the trees.
     As a walker, I find that I am often one of a few people walking with a pack of runners. Or because I walk rather quickly (about 5 miles an hour on a good day), I usually start with the mid-pack and the other walkers are somewhere behind me. 
     This particular event took place at Cunningham Lake in Omaha, NE on the trails. There were many places throughout the course that were narrow enough that we participants had to proceed in a single-file fashion. Because of this, especially at the beginning of the race, there were some traffic jams, for lack of a better term. As the race progressed, this happened less and less, but I still found times where I was stuck behind a jogger or runner-turned-walker or someone was stuck behind me.  When I got to those places where I could hear footsteps rhythmically pounding behind me, I felt obligated to step up my pace to at least a slow jog in order to make way for the runner behind me. I felt like I had to keep up or I'd be an annoyance to someone else. I didn't want to be in the way. I didn't want to be singled out or different from anyone else out there.
     As different people approached and I made room for them to pass, I felt myself shrinking off to the side of the trail in an effort to blend in or be less of a roadblock. But then it hit me; why should I feel that I had to change what I was doing, or who I am --a walker--just to accommodate everyone else? Why couldn't they be more accepting and just go around me? Why should I feel pressured to do something that makes me hurt and that I do not enjoy? I had all of these defensive thoughts going through my head. I created stories in my mind that the runners were annoyed by me and thought me to be less of an athlete because I was only walking. I felt that I was alone out there on this trail and they resented me when they had to walk and I passed them going up the steep hills. 
     After about 4.5 miles of first feeling guilty for walking, then frustrated, I had somewhat of a silly revelation of the metaphor I'd just created for humanity. All people at some point or another feel the same things I did.  While wandering through life, just like I wandered through the Cunningham Lake trails, we all have these kinds of thoughts and feelings.  Everyone feels at some point that they have to fit in to be okay. People waffle between wanting to go unnoticed and wanting someone to take notice. No one wants to be an annoyance. Call it the herd mentality, but no one wants to be singled out. 
      On the other side of that coin, people as a whole want to be accepted for who they are.  They don't want to change to fit an ideal. And the biggest realization for me was that people will continue to make up stories about those that are different from them in order to explain those differences. This happens daily. Be it the walker assuming the runners are annoyed with her, the different socioeconomic classes assuming that the rich are heartless bastards or the poor are lazy sponges, or humans pigeon-holing eachother into racial, gender, sexual orientation, or religious stereotypes. We continually make things up in our minds to account for each other's differences instead of trying to learn what makes us different and what makes us the same. No one should have to change who they are to fit in or be respected. We are all unique and important and innately the same. Instead of filling in the blanks with our own answers, let's try harder. Let's actually stop our brains from running rampant and take the time to learn about each other. 
 

I'm convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere. For a change, start by speaking to people rather than walking by them like they're stones that don't matter. As long as you're breathing, it's never too late to do some good. Maya Angelou
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mayaangelo578849.html?src=t_walking

Vacation Hangover

That there, that's not me. I go where I please. I walk through walls. I float down the Liffey.

     I love vacation. I love it far, far more than work. If I could vacation for a living, I'm certain that I would never grow to resent the long hours I was called to put in, or the awkward things that I can't quite cop on to and have to learn and then re-learn. 

I'm not here. This isn't happening. I'm not here, I'm not here.

      Instead, vacation must be the pot of gold at the end of the working rainbow. I will have to continue to scrimp and save, and put in my time in order to do it. Somehow though, when I get back to the grind, I find myself depressed and unmotivated, where I should be rested and renewed. I know it isn't just because I ran myself ragged trekking across parts of Europe, or jet lag. I simply do not want to work. That's anti-American isn't it? To not want to work 40 + hours a week, doesn't that say something about my metal as a citizen of the USA?

In a little while I'll be gone. The moment's already passed. Yeah, it's gone.

     I certainly hope not. As I visited countries with many more "workers rights" in place,I just honed in on the fact that as Americans maybe we have our priorities out of whack. We are so focused on the acquisition of things that we cant's see the forest for the trees. It's not about things it's about each other. Work-life balance weighs heavily on the work end and while I know it's a means to an end, for so many it is much more than that; it is life. I'm not trying to sound whiny or lazy, but rather appreciative of a) the fact that I could take a week long vacation and visit other places b)all of the things going on around me, that when my nose is buried in work I miss.  As 2016 wraps up, I want to focus my 2017 eyes on being mindful of life, because I only get one shot at it, at least as this person I do.

Credit for Lyrics to Radiohead "How to Disappear Completely"