"Let us be loving, hopeful, and optimistic. And we'll change the world."--Jack Layton

     This despair isn't going away. Despair. Desperation. In response, I find that there are two easy reactions.

     The first is anger. Anger is an emotion that I do not like to harbor, but one that has come to surface a lot lately. I am angry. I'm angry that we have a president who is embarrassing our nation abroad. I'm angry that we have a leader who denies facts, DENIES FACTS and makes up his own truth. I'm angry that there are people out there who must know how ludicrous these things are that come out of Mr. Trump's mouth, yet they continue to support him and worse, defend him. I am angry that people are being more marginalized and more otherized and people continue to accept this as okay. 
     All of it makes me so very angry. I see many out there who feel the same way. But anger can skew our focus. When we ignore our common sense, or turn our back on that which we esteem, love and kindness, and let anger take over, what have we become? We've become that which we loathe. We've become that which we excoriate.
     I am fully in support of protests and the resistance to Trump. 100%. I don't think we have to "take" anything lying down. Ever. But violence, and screaming  hatefulness, and unchecked rage without supporting facts, only harms our cause. We need to fight smarter in our battle. We need to be the opposite of all of this hatred and bigotry. Remember this: we mustn't become what we fight against.

     The second reaction I find easy to cling to out of desperation is indifference. I feel many days like hiding in my house and turning off any forms of media be it the internet, TV, or radio. When I feel overwhelmed, I want to shut off and shut down. But then I remember that I am lucky enough to be able to tune out and to get away from all of the injustices that are being done out there because I am in a place of privilege. There are so many who cannot do this. There are so many that are being hurt by Trump's edicts and decrees that cannot just hide their head in the sand. It is my duty and responsibility as a  human being to stay in the fight and to stay engaged. There are people who need me to be vigilant, to be a watchdog, to be brave.


     We need to turn our anger into action and our indifference into bravery. Yes it is a maddening world out there and growing more so all of the time, but we cannot, must not, stop trying to set things right.

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”--Mark Twain

     When did the truth become subjective? When did cold hard facts come up for debate? Apparently, seeing things through one's own lens and everything that comes along with it--emotions, history,  public opinion--has become the new norm in determining what is and is not true.

Per Meriam Webster, truth is defined as: the body of real things, events, and facts

     Taking away the first part of that definition, let's focus on events and facts. Events cannot be denied as happening. Something either happened or it did not. That goes hand in  hand with facts as real things. Something either is or is not true. Here's a real-life example.

     I got up late today, but made it to work on time.

    If we examine the statement we can see that it is not my opinion, it is a cold, hard fact. I did indeed get out of my bed this morning at 6:40 AM, which is later than I should be getting out of bed, and I made it to work by 7:00 AM which is what time I'm supposed to start. I got up late today, but made it to work on time. End of story, right?

     Unfortunately, this is where things get tricky. Maybe, in my mind, I've convinced myself that 6:40 really isn't late. I mean, if I can make it to work on time how can it be bad? And maybe some folks think that getting to work right at starting time is late? So maybe I was not on time for work after all. See how a fact became open for debate because human emotion and "reasoning" put a spin on it.  It makes me wonder, is everything open for debate and discussion or are things just true or not true? Certainly, at times there are shades of grey in there. There are a lot of maybes involved.

     Obviously no one besides me (and maybe my boss) care what time I got out of bed in the morning. But when truth comes into play where things actually matter,  it is much more important, vital even, that we as discerning human beings pay attention to facts and not opinion-swayed details.  

"Galileo actively argued for a bold new way of knowing, openly insisting that what mattered was not what the authorities... said was true but what anyone with the right tools could show was true. As no one before him had, he made the case for modern science -- for finding truth together through the quest for facts." (1)

     That means the onus is on us to show what is true. To dig through all of the layers that the media (either side--right or left) tells us is necessary. We must focus on facts and not opinion. We need to ask, what actually happened that I can prove without putting my own bias into play? 

Another real life example: 

     I watched the inauguration. Begrudgingly I watched it because I wanted to keep informed of what was happening. I saw live feed of the National mall and how many empty spaces there were. Therefore, I don't believe Sean Spicer or Mr. Trump when they said that the media lied about the attendance numbers, because I saw with my own eyes how many people were actually in attendance. There are also documented photographs of the event. Numbers do not lie. I deduced the facts for myself. Yes, I will admit that the media had a sort of hey-day with these facts that I can easily, if not keeping myself in check, jump on board and join in the roasting of Mr. Trump. But if I want to stick to what was true, I need not infer my own opinions of WHY people were not in attendance, or even WHY someone would lie about numbers when they can be proven, I will stick to the items that can be, as Galileo says, can be shown to be true. I can only say this: that there were a lot of people at the inauguration, but there was a lot of empty space. I can also say that I would not have gone to this event because I am in hard opposition to Mr. Trump. Those are the facts that I know and can explain.
     
     I am not saying that people do not have the right to their opinions or that everyone has to agree on each and every thing. I am also not saying that people shouldn't share their opinions openly. What I'm saying is we need to be careful when we are speaking that we are not spreading half truths and that we've done our homework. As we can all see, shooting off our mouths without the full story or a rational grip on reality, is harmful, shameful behavior. 

     Here's a link to an article that explains truth versus falsehood much better than I have.
Truth

      I was introduced to this test a couple of weeks ago by a friend. It's used by the Rotary club.  The Four-Way test, is  a good way to determine whether or not something is ethical. Herbert J. Taylor, in an effort to save his company from bankruptcy, and to change its ethical climate 1930's explains,

 What we needed was a simple, easily remembered guide to right conduct - a sort of ethical yardstick- which all of us in the company could memorize and apply to what we thought, said and did.

1. Is it the truth?
2. Is it fair to all concerned?
3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

I called it "The Four-Way Test" of the things we think, say or do."  (2)

     I think this is a good measure to follow before we speak or act. I think now more than ever we need to foster goodwill and friendship. We do not have to agree on anything to be kind to one another, but we do need to be responsible for ourselves, our actions, and our words. We need to ensure that what we are saying is true and what we are doing will not harm others. 

1. Pomeroy, Ross. "How Do We Know What is True." Real Clear Science. N.p., 13 July 2016. Web. 3 Feb. 2017.
2. "The Four-Way Test." Wikipedia. N.p., 4 Dec. 2016. Web. 3 Feb. 2017.

The Truest Greatness Lies in Being Kind*

Romanticize: to think about or describe something as being better or more attractive or interesting than it really is  (1)

      I recognize what it means to romanticize something. We do it all of the time.  We romanticize our past, forgetting about all of the struggles that we endured to get where we are today. We look at the high points and think to ourselves, "Wow, remember how easy it was then."
     Let me give you a real-life example. I recently switched jobs. I'm struggling to get my brain wrapped around all of the new information that this new position entails. I'm having a difficult time getting settled in as the new gal. Everyone else has worked here together for quite some time and they all seem to know one another and I feel like the outsider. 
     My brain thinks back to my previous job and I remember how I had a lot of friends there and  I enjoyed my work and admittedly, I was pretty good at it. I start to miss that job and I wonder, why did I leave? But then by chance at a meeting, I run in to my old boss. While she wasn't a tyrant, she wasn't exactly sane either. She wanted her tentacles on every thing and she'd throw a fit if she was somehow not part of something she felt she was entitled to be. She would talk about her colleagues and higher-ups to her subordinates (i.e. me) in a way that was completely unprofessional and she caused a lot of drama. A lot of drama. Seeing her made me realize that I wasn't really all that happy at my old job, which is why I decided to look elsewhere. And if I think hard about it, I didn't walk right into that job knowing exactly what to do either. I struggled to learn all of the nuances and it took me a good year before something clicked in my brain and I said, "Oh! I get it!" I also didn't walk in to that job as fast friends with everyone around me. It took awhile to get to know others. I was there 6.5 years. That's a lot of time to get acquainted. 

     A commonly heard phrase is, "romanticize the past."  I think that is what is happening with this whole "Make America Great Again" business. Because I do not believe all conservatives are pig-sucking racists (yes, I know there are plenty out there!) who legitimately want to go back to the 1950's, I'm guessing people have put on their rose-colored glasses. They've donned their "remember when things were simpler" hats. Yes, things were simpler when people didn't (or weren't allowed) to speak up and speak out. (Don't think they weren't doing it behind closed doors--how do you think revolutions get started?). While everyone meekly bit their tongues and people catered to the idea of niceness and politeness, others were being treated unfairly and inequitably. 

Great: notable; remarkable; exceptionally outstanding (2)

     If women were not allowed the same opportunities as men, things weren't "great." If African Americans were segregated, abused, murdered because of the color of their skin, things weren't "great." If only white men were allowed to have control and people of color were relegated to lower paying jobs,  things weren't "great." 
     Fast forward 60 some years and look around. Things aren't great now, but that's because they weren't great in the past and we never fixed them. I understand that we don't all agree on politics, but these are basic rights that all men and women regardless of color, creed, gender, sexual orientation should have--the right to be treated equally, the right to have an even playing field and opportunities, the right to have their voices heard  and their humanity respected. We don't have to like everyone, but our job as human beings is to take care of each other. That is our duty. So when there is this talk of making America great "again" I wonder, when was it great? Of course there have been many  moments of greatness, but if it wasn't "great" for everyone involved it wasn't "great."  If it isn't fair for ALL it is fair for NONE. Remember: 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."--The Declaration of Independence

*Ellen Wheeler Wilcox
1. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/romanticize
2. http://www.dictionary.com/browse/great

Are You Talking to Me?

     

"Conversations are the way people think together."  --Debby Irving

     Things are getting pretty scary out there in the real world. The divide between people is growing into a chasm. I think this is partly due to things like Facebook and emails, where we don't actually have to talk to one another, or look one another in the eye as we're saying something. It's easy to fire off a comment with no sense of responsibility. It's easy to like something without putting any thought behind it.
     When did we stop having conversations? When things make us angry, our knee-jerk reaction  is to unfriend or to make some snarky comment instead of actually having a discussion. What happened to respectful disagreement?  We can hear someone out, disagree and still remain friends, or family, or at least civil towards one another.

       Again, please know that I do not mean it is okay to accept hateful behaviors or speech of any kind. But conversation does open us up to the dialogue that is needed to change minds in a way that  anger, or shaming, or ignoring cannot. We must get to the root of our problems or this chasm is not going to be able to be bridged. We need to know the why.
     Just like any scientist dissects a problem, we too need to dissect what is going on with humanity. Because face it, we are all humans who eat, breathe, and sleep the same way. And while we are each unique, our basic needs are the same.  We are all part of the Homo Sapien species. 

Homo sapiens (Latin: "wise man") is the binomial nomenclature (also known as the scientific name) for the only extant human species. Homo is the human genus, which also includes Neanderthals and many other extinct species of hominid; H. sapiens is the only surviving species of the genus Homo. Modern humans are the subspecies Homo sapiens sapiens, which differentiates them from what has been argued to be their direct ancestor, Homo sapiens idaltu. The ingenuity and adaptability of Homo sapiens has led to its becoming the most influential species on the Earth; it is currently deemed of least concern on the Red List of endangered species by the International Union for Conservation of Nature.^[1]

      That's right, each person no matter their genetic make up, or skin color, or sexual orientation is part of the same species. Therefore, if we wish to continue to thrive we need to stop fighting that fact and recognize each other for what we are--unique as individuals--but the same.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."--Winston Churchill

     And here in lies our second divisive element; when we do communicate it's rather one-sided. It's always easy to be thinking ahead to what your response will be instead of actually listening to what the other person is saying. And to make things more difficult, listening doesn't always just involve our ears, but it calls our brains to decipher what someone is saying and more importantly, to dig deeper in and ask clarifying questions, so we can really understand. 
     What listening does not involve is our mouths. If we are so busy shouting out our own feelings and thoughts (while plugging our ears) how will we ever get to know what another person is saying or feeling.  It's time to take a step back, close our mouths and listen.
     Again, and I don't think that I can emphasize this enough, we are never going to understand eachother if we do not listen and if we do not have genuine, often times difficult, conversations. The time is now.

Well, Isn't That the Truth

     Baggage. Why do we hold on to it? Why do we obsess ourselves over things we'd be happier without? Is it habit? Is it masochism?
     By now everyone in the entire world has heard the song, "Let it Go." Many people have made it their motto, but I admit it, it's hard to let go--of grudges, of memories, of things that are troubling me. The theory is that there is only so much room in our brains and we can't recall the old things  if new things have taken seed in their place. So with this new year, I want to replace the things that I tend to dwell on with happier, healthier things. I want to take the negativity and put it out of sight and out of mind. What's done is done, as they say. I'm looking forward to a year of doing my best for others and for myself.
Cheers!

Do No Harm, But Take No Shit.

"Whom exactly does the culture of niceness serve? I suppose it serves the people for whom life is going well. The people in power, but where does this leave less empowered individuals and populations with legitimate complaints? Speaking truth to power too often results in feelings of judgement and anger at the complainer...It's hard work to engage in conflict, and even harder to have to change your mind. People in power have the privilege of avoiding both. The culture of niceness provides a tidy cover creating a social norm that says conflict is bad, discomfort should be avoided, and those who create them mark themselves as people who lack the kind of emotional restraint necessary to hold positions of power...Ignoring feelings and trying to smooth them over with pleasant chit chat only promises to hold people back from allowing their hearts to join their minds and recognizing injustice when it's right in front of them, or even inside them. Despite its potential to create healthier individuals, households, organizations, and communities; embracing the discomfort of conflict in the name of resolution eludes most people raised in the culture of niceness. As long as feedback from unhappy people puts the blame on the complainer, the status quo will be maintained. Change requires tolerating the kind of emotions that arise when the constraints of nice conversation are lifted." (1)

     How do we stay "nice" in an ever-increasing mean world, and do we really want to?  There is a lot of talk these days about political correctness and as Trump puts it "telling it like it is." If a blowhard who shoots his mouth off and claims to be "keeping it real",  a guy who out of 300 fact-checks had a rate of being 70% mostly false, false, or telling outright lies (2) can appeal to so many people, enough to get elected, we need to re-examine ourselves.  Like the quote above says, what is all of this niceness getting us?
     I  liken the idea of niceness to be akin to political correctness. So, first let's look at what it means to be politically correct. The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: "Disapproving,avoiding language or behavior that any particular group of people might feel is unkind or offensive." (3) Please understand, I do not support any sort of hurtful, racist, sexist, gender-offensive name calling or slurs of any kind, but it seems like we use our language as a shield to hide behind. It has become a way not only to remain nice, but a way to disengage from conversations that need to be happening. 
        Here's an example of where  niceness comes in to play. In this scenario, I am at a family holiday dinner. My in-laws and I are not on the same page regarding much in the socio-political realm. In casual  conversation my sister-in-law says, "yay Trump!" regarding his take on healthcare. In order to not lose my temper right then and there, and to keep things "nice," and to "keep the peace,"  I kindly say, "I'm going to pretend like you didn't say that," and I change the subject. 
     Does she have a right to her opinion? Of course she does? Do I have to like it? No, I do not. Can I take this opportunity to hear her out and then give my valid, logical, and reasonable rebuttal?Yes, and I should! We should have a conversation in a civilized and logical manner because my devaluing her opinion by assuming she's just a stupid Trump voter and vowing to  never talk to her again is divisive and doesn't get anything done. I do not have to agree with her. I don't even have to value her opinion, but I do have to allow her to have it. It is a good learning point, if for nothing else than to learn what I do not believe and how to better defend my position. 

If you disagree with somebody, bring them in and ask them tough questions. Hold their feet to the fire; make them defend their positions. If somebody's got a bad or offensive idea, prove it wrong. Engage it, debate it, stand up for what you believe in. Don't be scared to take somebody on. Don't feel like you've tog to shut your ears because you're too fragile and somebody might offend your sensibilities. Go after them if they're not making any sense. use your logic and reason and words, and by doing so you'll strengthen your own position. And you'll hone your arguments and maybe you'll learn something and realize maybe you don't know everything. You may have a new understanding, not only of what your opponents believe but what you believe. Either way, you win. --President Obama (4)

     The truth of the matter is, we are in a world with other people. It seems obvious, but what isn't so obvious to people is that we are going to have differing opinions and we're allowed to have them. Yes, there are people who have terrible, hateful hearts whose minds we will never change. But standing up for that which you believe isn't always an easy task. Sometimes words get ugly and uncomfortable, but if we see things through and don't just brush it under the rug because it might offend ours or someone else's sensibilities we might get somewhere.      Keeping things nice equates that talking about these things that truly matter--equality and fairness--aren't worthwhile and they are. They really really are. Hiding behind political correctness with things like "safe spaces" avoids the conversations that need to happen. Sometimes our feelings are--gasp!--going to be icky, but how can we come to terms with them if we pretend they don't exist? As much as it seems it would be easier to cut the people with whom we don't agree out of our lives, that only perpetuates the growing problem of division among people. We are already  separated by our fear of each other. Fear drives hate. Understanding perpetuates harmony and it cannot happen without dialogue.  
      Again, there is never an acceptable time to personally attack someone, call them names, or use slurs against a person for their perceived differences. But there is a time to stop being nice, and to get our feelings out on the table and hack through them. The time has got to be now, before we are even more isolated from one another. 

"And now let us welcome a new year--full of things that have never been."--Rainer Maria Rilke

1. Irving, Debby. Waking up White. N.p.: Elephant Room Press, 2014. Audible. 
2. Drobnic Holan, Angie, and Aaron Sharockman. "Fact-checking President-Elect Donald Trump." Politifact. N.p., 9 Nov. 2016. Web. 30 Dec. 2016.
3. Cambridge Dictionary. http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/politically-correct.
4. Shapiro, Eric. "Democrats Need to Start Re-Thinking Political Correctness, Which Does Them No Favors." Paste. N.p., 27 Dec. 2016. Web. 28 Dec. 2016. Quotation from President Obama

You Can Understand Why I've Been So Down About It.

     After a lovely Christmas holiday it is tough to gear up and come back to work. I miss my family (the four-legged ones included) and I miss having the free time to do as I please. I loathe the idea of sitting in my office all day and answering emails and such, but I  know it is inevitable and I can manage it (especially knowing it's a short week this week!)
     My slight case of the post-holiday blues makes me think of those who  really cannot manage at this time of year. I'm a super-optimist and I always picture people spending their holidays like I do--with loved ones and friends. But I know this isn't always the case and I know that the holidays can bring stress, loneliness, and hurt to a lot of people out there.
   

     I know that these rants are full of Pollyanna sentiments, but I think in a world full of fear and distrust the only way to get through is kindness and compassion. One kind word or action can make someone's day just a little brighter and be the fuel they  need to stoke the fire. Take an extra minute to reach out to those in need. Take an extra minute to stop talking and to listen. Sometimes people just need an ear to bend or a hand to hold. You don't have to FIX people, you just need to be there for them.
     And for those of you that are in need, you are not alone. It is okay to ask for help.
Need help?